Holli was your basic aggravating child and teenager and then one day she grew up and became the most caring adult you could imagine. She was very grown up for her 21 years and I was so proud of her.

She was never sure what she wanted to do but when she went to work at Dr. White’s veterinarians Clinic, it was fate. Holli loved that job and was very good at it.

She would come home every afternoon and tell us about all the animals and the surgeries she had helped with. She said if she had a yard big enough, she would take all of the animals home.

Holli loved all animals including her pets( six dogs, one cat, one rat, one snake, three parrots and three parakeets). She even felt bad for the little mice she had to feed the snake.

Holli was born a caretaker. She started taking care of her brother when he was little and continued till the day she died. She was always concerned if he had everything he needed and was very protective if someone dare say anything negative about him.

She would go to her grandmothers house once a week and clean it for her.

If her grandmother had company coming, she could always call holli to come over and lend a hand. You always knew she was there for you.

She would always come home from school and straighten up before she left with her friends. She knew I was tired and tried to make things as easy as possible for me.

She was always thinking about other peoples feelings. She could not stand to see anyone hurt and when you were sad, so was she.

She loved children and took such pride in all of their milestones. She always guessed about what they would be like when they grew up. She was looking forward to having her own. She already had the names picked out and would joke that I already had everything she needed all she had to do was have the baby.

Holli was her happiest this last year. She found a job she loved dearly, was paying for her own car, was fixing up a trailer to move into. She finally felt like she knew what she wanted and was doing it and she was so proud of herself.

She had just turned 21 on February 9th. I had just given her a Basset Hound puppy for her birthday.

Two months later she is gone.

Holli Nicole Crockett was the first granddaughter, the first one to graduate high school, the first one to go to college and now she is the first one to die.

Holli took care of us as much as we took care of her. She brought me coffee before work, came home at lunch and helped with the children. She would come by my work just to talk and tell me she loved me. We could always depend on at least one phone call from her every day.

I still call her cell phone and listen to her voice and then leave a message telling her I love her even though I know she won't get the message.

I wake up in the morning and know that she is not coming by to see me. I know that she will not be here to kiss me goodnight nor can I kiss her. When I have a bad day, I cannot pick up the phone and call her and have her tell me that everything will be ok.
I count down the days that it has been since I saw her last. I try to remember our last conversation. I try to remember.....but the hurt stands in the way.

That Saturday she picked her father up from work because his car wasn't working. She was trying to find a way to get it fixed and then told him that she was going to take him out to eat for fathers day, just the two of them.
She took him home and then went to Wal-mart to buy some more stuff for her trailer. She came home and told Amanda about all the great things she got. Amanda said she was so excited.
She made plans with Amanda to highlight her hair on Sunday.
She then left with Jeremy to go to a party at his aunt’s house.
That was it. Our beautiful red headed little girl never came home.
We will never see or hear her again.
She will not be taking her father out for father’s day, she will not be moving into her trailer and I will never hear her say, " I love you mom".

Our hearts are broken and our lives will never be the same without her.

Help keep our daughters memory alive- light a candle for her

Holli's memorial page

Holli's second memorial page

Virtual memorials

Memorial Gardens

If we could have one lifetime wish,

One dream that would come true..

We would pray to God with all our hearts

for yesterday and you.

♥ Our lives will never be the same without you here. We love and miss you so much ♥


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These two poems are just some poems I have written lately. They are in a weird way my tribute to Holli. God how I miss her. I still can't believe she is gone. I cannot see how I am suppose to live without her.

Rest in peace my girl, I love you so much, so very much....


So I've been told

It's been a year now, it's over she's gone,
Why are you still crying, it's time to move on.

She's in a better place, is happy and free,
You are still obsessing, why can't you see.

So I've been told.

You never thought about her this much
When she was here,
And now when I see you,
I only see tears.

She is not in the ground,
She is high in the sky,
Why do you still go there, why, why, why

So I've been told.......

How can I make them understand,
How can I make them see,
How much I love her and
How much she means to me.

I know it's been a year already,
That it's over and she's gone.
My mind tells me that daily,
But my heart tells me it's all wrong.

Tell me how to get over it
And quit all the crying
When each day I wake up,
All I can think about is her dying.

I know she's happy, safe and free,
But I'm selfish,
I still want her here with me.

No, I didn't think about her this much
When she was here,
I could see her and hug her and
Laughter is what caused my tears.

But her memory is all I
have to get me through the day.
The look of her face,
the sound of her voice,
What more can I say.

I know she is not in the ground,
But that is all that I have,
I am close to her when I am
there and I don't feel so sad.

She finds a way to give me a hug
And a kiss in the wind,
I hear her talking to me,
I just close my eyes and pretend.

This is my life now,
how can I make you see,
You don't have to understand me,
Just love me for me.


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Just a dream away

I would give my life to have you back,
Said the Mom
I know you would, said her child.
I cry each night for you, said the Mom
And I catch all of your tears said her child
I pray for the day
That I can see you again,
Said the Mom
Just close your eyes and you can see me,
Said her child
I am always just a dream away.............

You are the first person who loved me,
And you are the first person I loved.
You were always there
when I needed you,
And you always knew
when I needed a hug.
I am here for you now, mom
In your heart and in your soul.
I did not take your heart with me
Instead I left mine with you to hold.
One day I will take your hand
And lead you to paradise,
But until then my beautiful mother,
When you want to see me
You only need to close your eyes.

I am always just a dream away.....
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♥ We thought of you today

But that is nothing new

We thought of you yesterday

And will tomorrow, too.

We think of you in silence

And make no outward show

For what it meant to lose you

Only those who love you know

Remembering you is easy

We do it everyday

It's the heartache of losing you

That will never go away. ♥

FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT
Today's Scripture

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our inner strength in the Lord is growing every day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)



Paul explained to the church at Corinth that giving up is not an option for a true Christian. As a follower of God, you are to fight the good fight in God’s strength and never surrender or give up. Being faithful means holding tight through tough and seemingly impossible times. Keep pushing whether you feel like it or not; keep going even when you run out of strength. Do the right thing, even when the wrong thing happens to you. In order to win the battle, you have to step out and take part in the struggle. Only after fighting the good fight can you experience the good victory that God has in store for you!

A Prayer for Today

God, thank You for giving me the strength to fight the good fight. Help me to keep my eyes on You for the endurance to keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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I have 3 bad days to every 2 good days and all that I can hope is that I make it though the bad days without giving up.
It is hard trying to live without my daughter. I could never have imagined this kind of pain and heartbreak. I don't want to go on like this anymore but I have to. One day I will see her again and I want her to be proud of me.
To know that I lived my life the best that I could....for her. Everything I do now, is for her.......


Holli bought me a CD a couple of years ago and I had forgotten about it.
One night when I was having a bad time, I decided to find some of my gospel CD's and the very first one I found was the one I wanted to listen to. But stuck to the back of it was another CD. I tried to pry it loose and when I did it opened up and there was a little post it note attached to the inside from Holli. It said, "This is my song to you Mom, please listen." I was amazed. It was the CD that she had bought me years ago and for it to show up like it did......well I know it was truly a gift from her. It was Christina Aguilera's I turn to you.

I Turn To You

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
For the arms to be my shelter
through all the rain,
For truth that will never change,
For someone to lean on,
For a heart I can rely on through anything,
For that one who I can run to...
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
I turn to you...

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